Certified Dead – Certificati pure nella morte

31 Aug

2011-08-30 09.16.16

“Demand the certified cremation.”

Wow, really? Should I even go there? It’s really tempting. My sarcasm meter is off the charts. But you see, with death and all, let’s just say that’s what I call “thin ice territory.” You know what I mean?

So I’ll let you go there and try to figure out what the hell (no pun intended!) they mean. Nice advertising. Loving the artistic spread-out ashes. Classy.

Wait. Is that a freaking CRAB walking around there? So, what? Is it beach sand? Holy crap man. I’m really confused now. Help.

Insomma, ragazzi, parliamoci chiaro. Una cremazione certificata. In che consiste? Cioè. Voglio, vi giuro che voglio, essere rispettosa. Sì lo voglio! Ma cavolo come mi viene difficile davanti a una cosa del genere. Oooo quante battute sarcastiche potremmo sparare. Però, no. Resisto. Resisto!

Comunque, molto artistico, questo modo di mettere in mostra le ceneri certificate. Di gran classe. Perchè l’urna da sola non ci avrebbe detto abbstanza, vero? Uffa. Insomma. Visto la situazione comunque qui a Roma con i cimiteri, direi che tutti noi dovremmo prenderci una cremazione certificata. (Sì, sì, lo so, vi state dicendo fammose una grattata e va bene ho capito ma…)

Aspettate un attimino però. Che diavolo ci sta facendo un granchio lì intorno? Macchè? Ma, ma, quella roba, che cos’è, sabbia dalla spiaggia? Ragazzi, sono leggermente confusa. Ma sono sicura che comunque il nostro amico granchio è cento percento certificato. O qualcosa di simile. Boh.

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10 Responses to “Certified Dead – Certificati pure nella morte”

  1. anna l'americana August 31, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

    Crabs? Berlusconi slept there…..

  2. Un'americana a Roma September 1, 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    Seriously though what the heck does a crab have to do with the ashes of a cremated person? Help me out here. I am truly at a loss. Urn+ashes=happy beach vacation? Or are we implying that we spread the ashes out on a beach? What the heck man?

  3. anna l'americana September 1, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    i think they are implying that if you don’t buy certified cremation, what you may end up with is an urn full of sand instead of the ashes of your loved one…..the crab denotes the sand. Otherwise how would you know it was sand?

    Patience, marketing as a discipline is still relatively new in Italy….

  4. nyc/caribbean ragazza September 2, 2011 at 6:53 am #

    The crab kills me.

    I assume this person wanted their asses to be spread on the beach, no? That is the only explanation I can think of for why a freaking crab would be in the ad. haha

  5. Sherly Black September 2, 2011 at 10:04 pm #

    Hai ragione, l’urna da sola sarebbe bastata benissimo a far passare il messaggio, questa pubblicita’ mi pare un tantino inopportuna!

  6. nyc/caribbean ragazza September 4, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    Shelley, Erica saw the ad the other day near Campo. She said it is saying their competitors might give you sand (hence the crab) and not the ashes of your loved one.

    I had no idea this was an issue. heh

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Why Cry Twice? « - February 7, 2012

    [...] First we were regaled with the promise of “certified cremations.” [...]

  2. Don’t Get Stuck With Strange Ashes « Un'americana a Roma - November 3, 2012

    [...] to the Taffo Collection (if you are new to the Taffo fine brand of morbidity, please see “Certified Dead” and “Why Cry Twice“) is another collectible for [...]

  3. Ashes to Diamonds, Dust to Dust | Un'americana a Roma - July 17, 2014

    […] Certified Dead […]

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