As in, who was the jackass that green-lighted these ideas? And could you please cut him off of his 10-martini lunches?
How do I know it was a man, you ask? Call me crazy, but…
And, while you’re at it? Fire the ad copywriter too. “Unique style. Beautiful fashion.” How about trying “fake Barbie in a display box with skirt flipped up?” Has more of a ring to it.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic, don’t forget one thing: SUNBATHING IS HEALTHY FOR BABIES. Ok? And just apply a little bit of sunscreen in a whimsical shape so that it can look like you have a cute facepaint design (a.k.a. “sun tattoo” as the copy genius on this one decided) on your cheek.
You think I’m joking. You must not read my blog that often. This is no joke. I would never joke about sunbathing and how to achieve that picture-perfect tan on small children with immaculately delicate skin. That’s why she’s called Sbrodolina Magico Sole. “Sbrodolare” in Italian means something like “to get messy” and adding “ina” to a feminine noun makes it something akin to “cute little,” so I guess she’s like “Cute little messy drool magic sun baby”. Woo hoo!
I’m not the only one who takes up these causes. Fortunately, there are LOTS of people like me (working single mom with three kids under age 5 crafting a blog post at 1 am on a Friday night, or Saturday morning if you want to get really technical) who clearly have too much free time on their hands as well. But come on, you should admit it too. You know that you, too, have always wanted to know, just like Rossella here, who asks:
Cute Little Magic Sun Messy Stain Drool Baby Super Tan: How does the “phenomenon” of tanning happen in the doll?
She actually doesn’t care about HOW they achieved this phenomenon. She’s concerned that whatever substance or magic spell creates the tan, it might be cancerogenous. Wait, maybe I mean carcinogenic. Frankly, Rossella has really impressed me with her ability to even spell the Italian word cancerogeno.
Aw, maaaaan! On second glance, not even that. Damn it all to … she wrote cancerogino. Sigh.
Luckily these innane things entertain me to no end, and I do so enjoy feeling superior to poor people who miss the irony in their question about whether the substance that would make a sunbathing doll turn tan is carcinogenic.
No, Rossella, it’s not, as ♥I ¢αи ‘¢αυѕє I’м♥ would have you believe in her not-helpful answer, that plastic objects—especially those from Mattel— contain “damaging substances.”
No, no, Rossella. It’s simply that the sun and tanning can cause cancer. Cioè, it’s the sun that’s actually cancerogino! Well, whaddya know?!
I rest my case.
Anyways, I have to go now. I’m running late for my “Mommy and Me” event with my two year old twin girls. We have our standing appointment at the tanning salon and it’s in like 15 minutes.