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Vatican City in the Summer: Sacredly Profane

20 Jun

OH MY GOD. No, seriously. Holy Lord. What other puns can I throw your way? It’s hotter than hell in the Vatican, people!

Today as part of my day job, I was called to do some official business in the Vatican; namely, St. Peter’s Square, a.k.a. font of all that is unholy in the world of tourism. Or something.

All’s I know folks, is that if you sit and people watch in St. Peter’s Square for like an hour, like I did, in 95°F (that’s 35°C) heat, well—you’ll either note that it’s strangely reminiscent of the Las Vegas Strip (maybe St. Peter’s is really just a plastic construction like the Venetian?) or, you’ll be conscious enough to realize that you’re becoming delirious. I had both experiences today. I also invoked Jesus many times, but not in prayer. It’s just hellishly hot.

Beyond that nonsense, I don’t have anything particularly enlightening to share. But, I did see this super cute police car:

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BTW, I get that maybe I’m not entirely normal because I take pictures of little tiny cute Italian-style police cars, but, what the heck is that lady in the white shirt taking a picture of? I can assure you that nothing interesting was going on in that general direction. The police had come because some street vendor (one of the 3,549,402 vendors selling worthless crapola in the piazza) had some complaint with a customer that apparently warranted a POLICE VISIT, [Shelley invokes Jesus again and this time includes a bonus eye roll] and this is how our tax dollars go to work. Oh, never mind, that’s right, no one pays taxes around here. Forget I even said that. But did you like how the link cleverly tied in to the whole Vatican theme? I know. I’m good like that.

And, in case you were wondering about the commercialization of Jesus—yes, it’s a real thing. So much so that there’s even like an LSD Baby Jesus you can buy, on display in a shop window with many assorted baby Jesuses all lined up in their comfy little bales of straw. Maybe his eyes are like that because of the heat. That poor baby, get that damn swaddling cloth off of him! He’s dying of heat stroke! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to store babies in plastic bags? (oh come on now, my rantings can’t be any more sacrilegious than wearing a W.W.J.D. bracelet, now can they?)

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Are you digging on the various baby Jesus hairstyles? I love it. My newborns did not come out that Pantene fresh, let me tell you. But, seriously, folks. If that picture doesn’t give you an honest-to-goodness LOL in which laughter is truly OUT LOUD, then, just stop reading my blog because these are the things that you should find amusing. Because I say so, and I’m on the verge of clinical dehydration at the moment, a symptom of which is delirium, so you’ll forgive me. Of course, you’ll also understand that this does not preclude me from opening a bottle of Vermentino Frizzante (that’s white fizzy wine, if you’re classy like me) that I had saved in my fridge JUST FOR THIS OCCASION.

Last thing, and honestly, I have no snide or sarcastic remarks whatsoever. I just love it and I wish that they made it in adult size. (Ok, maybe that was slightly sarcastic because I’m not entirely sure I’d actually wear it, but, I’m about 98.9% sure I would. It’s like those antibacterial products such as Lysol that kill 99.9% of all germs. It’s that .1% that’s ultimately going to be the death of you. Damn Lysol bastards).

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And frankly, what’s NOT to love?

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4 Responses to “Vatican City in the Summer: Sacredly Profane”

  1. JoAnn June 20, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

    I am so loving that shirt!!!!

  2. Un'americana a Roma June 20, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

    I know! Isn’t it great? I only saw a kid wearing one. But I think that there are probably all sizes.

  3. gillaf1@yahoo.com June 20, 2013 at 9:02 pm #

    I read “Sacredly Profane” as “Sacredly Propane”! it must have been since the word ‘Summer’ was before it… Maybe the babies just had their eyes dilated by their optometrist? A girl working at one of our local Dunkin Donuts insisted that I was on drugs as my eyes looked like hers that looked like the baby Jesus’s eyes. She never did believe me when I said that I had no drugs and I had just come from the eye doctor.

    Gil

  4. triciatierney June 22, 2013 at 1:09 pm #

    Hysterical! I want one of those baby Jesus – definitely would put the shirt on him. I mean this stuff is just asking for such irreverence, isn’t it? Thank you for yours – you always crack me up and make me want to book the next flight to Italy. sigh.

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