Christmas Gifts for Your Almost-Dead Loved Ones

5 Jan

All wrapped up, under the tree.

This from a dear reader and friend of mine. Love when my readers send me stuff.


It reads:
For Christmas a gift for your loved ones


Then in the fine print, there’s a list that says, “Offer includes” and tells you all the juicy details about marble, bronze, and other exciting what-not.



Just imagine the look on your loved ones’s faces when you give them the gift that lasts a lifetime.

Um, I mean, well, for all eternity, anyways. Or, the gift that lasts longer than a lifetime.

Yes. I like that one better.


5 Responses to “Christmas Gifts for Your Almost-Dead Loved Ones”

  1. Andrea Troiani January 5, 2014 at 12:39 pm #

    A truly gift, because you don’t expect anything back from them!

  2. Beth January 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm #

    I want to know: does it include the little gas light and its bill paid in full?

  3. Catherine January 5, 2014 at 5:40 pm #

    And plastic flowers and a faded photo? Creepy!
    Happy 2014 hope you and tribe have a swell year

  4. Gil January 6, 2014 at 12:25 am #

    Finally, A gift to die for!!!

  5. Danielle January 7, 2014 at 2:07 pm #

    My brother and I once had the most fun of our lives making prank calls…we saw an ad like this but for cremation. After calling and asking like 15 serious questions, my brother said, “ok, I think I have all the information I need, oh there is just one more question. Will it be a problem to cremate me while I’m still alive?” SILENCE…….

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